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house rules.

The last 11 days I spent in Ireland, as it seems it might no be NZ but for whats it worth I like it.
Getting the grip of life hasn't turned out to be easy. I lose touch to reality, though.
Whenever I wake up feeling like none at all, neither black or white but all mixed up I do not leave my bed anymore.
Just lie there, sleep, rethink all of it and get to the bottom of whats it about.
I've no doubt that depression finally has found me again.
Been running my guess and it would be pretty simple checking into the next psych ward.
Other than I do not wan't to look like a freak theres my trainee, the dog, my work.
Yeah friends and family ain't on that damn list. First I don't have friends anymore with whom I get around regulary . Second family is the reason I should got into hospital, couse they don't deserve to watch me falling apart.

In 3 days I return . I gotta start my new employment and schools going to restart in 2 weeks only.

How come I hate the fact that there it's more obvious that I shrink into some lost wee something again? That I do not know how to small talk, contact, be social at any means? That becoming involved with people is getting a bloody act any single time?
Funny, though, I'm getting brilliant feedback of working with severely disabled kids.
Losing any life I had towards total isolation, being alone anytime, just to not be let down.

just curious, that's not how it should be, right?
27.8.10 17:45
 
Letzte Einträge: while I wait


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cs (18.1.11 20:36)
just to be honest: you're right, darling. but that's just the fate of those longing

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